WIN!

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changing of the guard

well, tomorrow comes one of the most anticipated changing of the guards in a long time. i can't say that i'm sad to see our Monkey Führer departing, but i can't say that i quite knew how to describe what my thoughts were on the incoming administration. i've made now real bones about how i'm not thrilled with the incoming, and how a lot of it has to do with the cult of personality (i do believe he is a charismatic person, but he is a politician) so i've been trying to find the words to describe what my thoughts are on the subject.

thankfully, someone i respect has the answer.

"I haven't had this kind of hope, bliss, and anticipation for change since . . . New Coke."
- Penn Jillette (on twitter)

bravo. that sums up my feelings quite nicely. i tip my hat to you sir. thank you.

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heeheehee...

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very funny

Little Britain USA

and i had to laugh when i discovered that the 4th Doctor was the narrator (of this and the original British series.)

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note to self: stand UP wind when reporting

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i don't know about you, but every car i've ever been in that had doors that auto-lock, when you try to open the door, it opens. yes, i understand that rear doors may have the child-safety lock enabled, but not the driver/passenger doors.

and one can guess what color hair i immediately thought she had. (sorry - the stereotype will never die)

Woman Calls Orem Police To Free Her From Her Locked Car

Automatic car features are supposed to make life easier for motorists, but they may be leaving some people without the know-how to do things the old-fashioned way. That’s what happened to a driver in Utah County who became trapped inside her own car.

A woman called Orem police Friday afternoon needing help because her battery died and she was locked inside her car.

When police arrived, they found the woman sitting in the car, unable to get herself out. She couldn’t hear the officers instructions through the rolled-up windows so she motioned to them to call her on her cell phone, according to police.

Once officers were able to talk to the woman on the phone, they were able to tell her how to manually operate the slide lock mechanism on the inside door panel to open the door and free herself.

“I'm just glad she had a cell phone to call for help,” an officer said.

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The Matrix ala Family Guy

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the holy WHAT!?!?!?!?!?

found on Fark: The foreskin of Jesus has gone missing. Penis

Writer searches for a peculiar relic

The "Holy Prepuce," the supposed foreskin of Christ, has disappeared.

By FRANCIS X. ROCCA, Religion News Service

Last update: December 7, 2007 - 6:09 PM

VATICAN CITY - When freelance writer David Farley first visited Calcata, Italy, five years ago, he figured it would make for a colorful article for a travel magazine.

The picturesque hill town 30 miles north of Rome featured a medieval castle and narrow cobblestone streets, as well as an international population of artists and ex-hippies who had saved the abandoned village from demolition.

Locals called it the "paese di fricchettoni" ("village of freaks"), and on an ordinary Sunday afternoon, one could find residents dressed in Indian saris strolling across the historic main square.

But Calcata's most remarkable attraction -- and the subject of a book that Farley is now writing -- turned out to be something no longer there: the supposed foreskin of Jesus Christ.

For more than four centuries, the "Holy Prepuce" had been the city's treasure, kept behind bronze doors over the altar in the Church of the Most Holy Name of Jesus. It was displayed every year on Jan. 1, the Feast of the Holy Circumcision. At one time, pilgrims who came to venerate it were rewarded with an indulgence that cut 10 years from their time in purgatory.

To believers in Jesus' Resurrection, Farley notes, the foreskin is "one of the only conceivable parts of his body that he could have left on Earth."

Legend holds that the Emperor Charlemagne received the object from an angel, then gave it to Pope Leo III in the year 800. It supposedly remained in the papal collection until the early 16th century, when a looting German soldier brought it to Calcata.

At one point in the Middle Ages, Farley says, there were as many as 18 putative Holy Foreskins in various monasteries and towns in Europe, most of them in France. By the 20th century, all but one had disappeared.

The specimen in Calcata finally vanished in 1983, an event the church's pastor blamed on "sacrilegious thieves."

Farley set out to tell the story of the relic's history and, he hoped, solve the mystery of its disappearance. From the start, one of his biggest challenges was getting taken seriously.

When the New York-based writer spoke to an employee at the Holy See's mission to the United Nations, the reaction was not encouraging.

"He said, 'What? The Holy Foreskin? You want me to hook you up with someone at the Vatican to talk about the Holy Foreskin? No way! That's ridiculous.'"

The priest in Calcata on whose watch the foreskin went missing was also unwilling to discuss it with Farley.

Silence is in fact the church's official policy on the subject, Farley says. He speaks of Vatican decrees from 1900 and 1954 that he says threaten excommunication of anyone who writes or speaks the relic's name, in order to discourage "irreverent curiosity."

Yet that threat has not inhibited many residents of Calcata, who gladly told Farley their various theories of the foreskin's fate.

Some say the priest sold it to a relic dealer in Turin. Others claim it was stolen by a local group of Satanists for use in their occult rites. Still others blame Neo-Nazis. The most popular explanations, though, point to the Vatican.

Farley is not saying which, if any, of these scenarios he finds most credible, but promises he will offer an explanation of his own when his book comes out in the spring of 2009.

In the meantime, he shares his thoughts on the foreskin's significance, as "not only a holy relic but a relic of a past time," which survived as long as it did only thanks to Calcata's remote location.

"I just find it really fascinating that this thing stuck around for so long, because it represents a way of thinking that we lost, that we evolved away from," he said.

Even the Catholic Church, Farley notes, has in recent years deemphasized the ancient tradition of venerating physical remains of holy persons and the relics associated with them.

But even if the Holy Prepuce is not gone for good, Farley thinks it's unlikely to be held up again as an object of veneration.

"I think most people would agree that it won't do the church any good to get publicity" of that kind, he said. "Most people still snicker about it."

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"It's always funny until someone gets hurt and then it's just hilarious"
-Bill Hicks

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i am so enjoying this

thank you Judge Sauer.

Hilton sent back to jail in hysterics

By LINDA DEUTSCH, AP Special Correspondent

LOS ANGELES - Screaming and crying, Paris Hilton was escorted from a courtroom and sent back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that she must serve out her entire 45-day sentence behind bars rather than in her Hollywood Hills home.

"It's not right!" shouted Hilton, who violated her parole in a reckless driving case. "Mom!" she called out to her mother in the audience.

The 26-year-old hotel heiress was taken handcuffed from her home in a black-and-white police car, paparazzi sprinting in pursuit and helicopters broadcasting live from above. She entered the courtroom disheveled and weeping, hair askew, without makeup, wearing a fuzzy gray sweat shirt over slacks.

She cried throughout the hearing, dabbing her eyes, and her body shook constantly. Several times she turned to her parents, seated behind her in the courtroom, and mouthed, "I love you."

Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer was calm but apparently irked by Sheriff Lee Baca's decision to release Hilton three days into her sentence due to an unspecified "medical condition."

"I at no time condoned the actions of the sheriff and at no time told him I approved the actions," Sauer said. "At no time did I approve the defendant being released from custody to her home."

The hearing was requested by the city attorney's office, which had prosecuted Hilton and wanted Baca held in contempt for releasing Hilton despite Sauer's express order that she must serve her time in jail. The judge took no action on the contempt request.

A member of the county counsel's staff said Baca was willing to come to court with medical personnel. The judge did not take him up on the offer.

Assistant City Attorney Dan F. Jeffries argued that Hilton's incarceration was purely up to the judge. "Her release after only three days erodes confidence in the judicial system," he said.

Hilton's attorney, Richard Hutton, implored the judge to order a hearing in his chambers to hear testimony about Hilton's medical condition before making a decision. The judge did not respond to that suggestion.

Another of her attorneys, Steve Levine, said, "The sheriff has determined that because of her medical situation, (jail) is a dangerous place for her."

"The court's role here is to let the Sheriff's Department run the jail," he said.

The judge interrupted several times to say that he had received a call last Wednesday from an undersheriff informing him that Hilton had a medical condition and that he would submit papers to the judge to consider. He said the papers never arrived.

Every few minutes, the judge would interrupt proceedings, state the time on the clock, and note that the papers still had not arrived.

He also noted that he had heard that a private psychiatrist visited Hilton in jail, and he wondered if that person played a role in deciding her medical needs.

The last attorney to speak was another deputy city attorney, David Bozanich, who declared, "This is a simple case. There was a court. The Sheriff's Department chose to violate that order. There is no ambiguity."

As the final pitch was made for Hilton's further incarceration, her entire body began trembling. She clutched a ball of tissue and tears ran down her face.

Seconds later, the judge announced his decision: "The defendant is remanded to county jail to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence. This order is forthwith."

Hilton screamed.

Eight deputies immediately ordered all spectators out of the courtroom. Hilton's mother, Kathy, threw her arms around her husband, Rick, and sobbed uncontrollably.

Deputies escorted Hilton out of the room, holding each of her arms as she looked back.

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hahahahahaha

i'm so glad this loops. i can watch this over and over and over again....

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heeheehee....

i remember hearing about this, but because of her ripping up the photo of the former pointy hat pontif, i never got to see it.

now i can.

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on a Tool board, someone posted a link to the following article (Most Americans have had premarital sex, added below because it will be lost shortly by yahoo)

someone then posted the following:
dude, premarital sex is awesome. there's nothing like laying pipe knowing that every time you do it, an angel loses its wings.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

here's the article for posterity
Most Americans have had premarital sex
By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer
Tue Dec 19, 6:44 PM ET

NEW YORK - More than nine out of 10 Americans, men and women alike, have had premarital sex, according to a new study. The high rates extend even to women born in the 1940s, challenging perceptions that people were more chaste in the past.

"This is reality-check research," said the study's author, Lawrence Finer. "Premarital sex is normal behavior for the vast majority of Americans, and has been for decades."

Finer is a research director at the Guttmacher Institute, a private New York-based think tank that studies sexual and reproductive issues and which disagrees with government-funded programs that rely primarily on abstinence-only teachings. The study, released Tuesday, appears in the new issue of Public Health Reports.

The study, examining how sexual behavior before marriage has changed over time, was based on interviews conducted with more than 38,000 people — about 33,000 of them women — in 1982, 1988, 1995 and 2002 for the federal National Survey of Family Growth. According to Finer's analysis, 99 percent of the respondents had had sex by age 44, and 95 percent had done so before marriage.

Even among a subgroup of those who abstained from sex until at least age 20, four-fifths had had premarital sex by age 44, the study found.

Finer said the likelihood of Americans having sex before marriage has remained stable since the 1950s, though people now wait longer to get married and thus are sexually active as singles for extensive periods.

The study found women virtually as likely as men to engage in premarital sex, even those born decades ago. Among women born between 1950 and 1978, at least 91 percent had had premarital sex by age 30, he said, while among those born in the 1940s, 88 percent had done so by age 44.

"The data clearly show that the majority of older teens and adults have already had sex before marriage, which calls into question the federal government's funding of abstinence-only-until-marriage programs for 12- to 29-year-olds," Finer said.

Under the Bush administration, such programs have received hundreds of millions of dollars in federal funding.

"It would be more effective," Finer said, "to provide young people with the skills and information they need to be safe once they become sexually active — which nearly everyone eventually will."

Wade Horn, assistant secretary for children and families at the U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services, defended the abstinence-only approach for teenagers.

"One of its values is to help young people delay the onset of sexual activity," he said. "The longer one delays, the fewer lifetime sex partners they have, and the less the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease."

He insisted there was no federal mission against premarital sex among adults.

"Absolutely not," Horn said. "The Bush administration does not believe the government should be regulating or stigmatizing the behavior of adults."

Horn said he found the high percentages of premarital sex cited in the study to be plausible, and expressed hope that society would not look askance at the small minority that chooses to remain abstinent before marriage.

However, Janice Crouse of Concerned Women for America, a conservative group which strongly supports abstinence-only education, said she was skeptical of the findings.

"Any time I see numbers that high, I'm a little suspicious," she said. "The numbers are too pat."

Leslee Unruh, who runs a South Dakota-based organization promoting abstinence-only education, contended that increasing numbers of young people were open to remaining chaste until marriage.

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