it's hard not to be depressed these days...

i'm not clinically depressed, nor am i going to do anything foolish, for the few of you out there who care about me, no worries. (or should you?)

actually, now that i give it a moments more thought, i guess i'm more frustrated than depressed, so you have even less reason to worry. i think the biggest frustration with my white piece of shit stems from the fact that now that i truly own it (title, rusting bolt and fucked up 4x4 control motor), it is harder to accept that i am the one wholly responsible for the repairs of it. but then, there was only 2 things that i had to get fixed prior to paying it off, and both of those were a year (at least) apart. (lower balljoints on the frust suspension, dead relay for the a/c, that $7 bit that cost me $116 to get fixed).

and here i am, dealing with 2 major repairs in less than a month. i suppose i could have dealt with the 4x4 control motor last month, but it was $420 that i could save and use towards the trip next month (which we are going on, tix purchased). the way this thing was explained to me was that it is the motor that puts my car in/out of 4wd. most of the time it runs 2wd, but then will send power up front when needed. or i can turn it on to fulltime 4wd in both high & low gearing. 98% of the time, i leave it in auto and if it goes into 4wd, i never notice. the only times that i do run it in fulltime 4wd is in really shitty weather conditions (mostly snow, occasionally heavy rains and i have to drive thru puddles). fortunately, most of the time it isn't an issue. but for some reason, it died, presumably from normal wear and tear/age. i guess it works a lot harder than i thought.

in any event, i've pretty much sworn off buying a ford in the future, and M has this idea of smacking me if i consider it for more than a moment, but i can't say that i've been overly excited over my white piece of shit. i've never made any bones that there was a part of me that didn't like it (rush decision, circumstances), but it does what i need it to do utlimately which is simply to get from point A to point B. (home/work, work/supermarket/home, etc) but unlike the jeep, this white piece of shit doesn't have a personality. i miss it, even tho the a/c was shot, it was still a fun car to drive and i enjoyed driving it. except when i had to get the slave cylinder in the transmission fixed ($35 part, $400 labor). then it sucked, but that was only twice, and the first time it wasn't the owner, so dad paid for it.

but now i'm dealing with the disturbing reality of car ownership. or is it ownershit? sure i've done repairs, but this is brutal, esp as what i'm paying/paid for the repairs is more than the fucking excise tax valuation on my car. (fucking excise tax)

oh well. not a whole lot i can do about it other than look into what would be a better car to replace this with.

i will say that the 2006 white piece of shit i'm driving as a loaner is nicer than the freestyle i was driving, but there are still things i don't like about it. the seats are firmer, the handles to pull the door closed are in an awkward spot, the door handle is a little odd, i miss the side step up thing (mom likes mine, makes it a lot easier to get in and out of my car for her). don't like the 3rd row seats. hate the gas mileage (makes my look good). i'm not sure about having the brake cables semi-exposed on the frame is a good idea. the steering wheel feels a little smaller in diameter, don't like the location of the turn signal. don't like the shape of the gear shift, but i do like the location of it (between the seats and not on the steering column). don't like the location of the overdrive on/off button.

i do find the ride a little smoother than mine, but with independent suspension, i would hope so. i like how when i turn it off, the radio stays on until i open the door (allowing for those NPR driveway moments to continue). i like that the power steering is a little stronger than mine. i like that ford has figured out how to keep the turn radius reasonably tight. i do miss my sunroof. and having a clicker to lock/unlock the car. having to put a key in the door lock is an odd feeling. not used to that anymore.