Daily Show reporting on the Vice-Monkey Fuhrer
this is 11 minutes long.
it's a little bit funny.
just a little bit.
excuse me while i wipe the tears from my eyes.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
what the FUCK does this mean?
Man shot by Cheney has 'silent' heart attack
what the fuck is a SILENT heart attack? is that like a silent fart? or is that like a ninja heart attack? what's a loud heart attack? did you hear, jim-bob had a loud heart attack! really? how loud was it? dude, it went to 11
c'mon people, a heart attack is a heart attack. we use words like 'mild' or 'massive' a lot of the time, but a heart attack is just that. a heart attack. no heart attack is good, and the fact that this guy had one is even worse, adding to the fact that it appears to be buckshot induced (courtesy of our Vice-Monkey Fuhrer). so, if he dies, does that means he had a minor death? oh, a SILENT death.
the media is a fucking joke these days, and this only helps cement that reputation as a waste of our time. i think we get more 'fair and balanced' new reporting from The Daily Show. so let's call a spade a spade.
- fact: Vice-Monkey Fuhrer "accidentally" shot Harry Whittington.
- fact: Harry Whittington survived the ordeal.
- fact: Harry Whittington had a heart attack.
- fact: Harry Whittington is 78 years old.
- speculation: Harry Whittington had a stressful job as a lawyer. (ok, that's just plain funny. a friend of the Vice-Monkey Fuhrer working hard. hahahahaha...)
- apparent fact: some buckshot, fired from the Vice-Monkey Fuhrer's rifle got into Harry Whittington's blood stream.
- apparent fact: said buckshot appears to have caused a HEART ATTACK.
- fact: Harry Whittington is in the hospital.
- fact: Harry Whittington has (as of this rant) not died from the apparent buckshot induced HEART ATTACK.
so where does that leave us? i'll boil it down into basic facts for us all and we can all go on our merry way.
a fucking idiot shot another idiot in a hunting "accident". the idiot who was shot has suffered a HEART ATTACK as a result of lead poisoning.
so there you go. now the big question is this:
should Harry Whittington die as a result of the buckshot that was discharged from a rifle used by our creepy Vice-Monkey Fuhrer, will the Vice-Monkey Fuhrer be charged with murder?
that's what i'd like to know. but i think we already know the answer to that question. but i'll pose it anyways.
(thanks to M for finding this one. Happy Vday) Read More......
now entering the creepy zone....
this arrived in my mail and i thought it was a little creepy...i've removed the numbers to prevent any possibility of this being a black widow, as well as fixed the returns, but otherwise all text is as i received it. so i guess this is turning into a PSA. go fig.
hello!
Did you get my last email?
I saw your ad on Match.com ,I liked what you said there,
so I thought I would write.
I am new to this area and I am looking for new friends
and new faces. I just moved near Lake Stevens from Denver
area about a month ago andI must say I really like it here.
I don't know anybody here, except for my roomate who moved
here a while back. She's made some friends through the
internet and she says there's a lot of nice and interesting
people I might find here.
I don't have an email connection yet so I am using my
friends. Well, a little about me, I am generally a happy
and passionate person. I am self-assured and don't rely on
pop culture or the lady at the make-up counter to tell me
how to act and look. I search for the good in everything.
My roomate Christine thought I should email you and she
showed me how to send it but nowI can't figure out how to
attach my picture here. We put it at www. Choosing your
friendly match.com where she's at. You can locate my number
1234567. If you'll think you are interested, you can call
me on my cell phone tomorrow at 12345678I am really laid
back and easy to get along with person. I am looking for
companionship and fun.
Any way we can talk and see what we have in common and
possibly get together if it feels comfortable. Bye,
Janie
P.S.
Hope it interested you enough to get in touch with me
I don't know how long I can use this address till I get my
connection so call me and let's see where it goes.
and yes, the 'phone' number does have 8 numbers. not the expected 7 or 10. Read More......
Sunday, February 12, 2006
major kudos to CRandall for spotting this one. a quick google search turned up the first (of many) articles i could find.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
update: here's the yahoo linked one
Saturday, February 11, 2006
ok, this is screwed up.
the other, the Monkey Fuhrer was presented with a lifesize bronze bust. (sorry, just a head, no boobage even tho he(?) is our biggest boob)
in typical fark fashion, someone found a blog that pointed out a little thing that most of us probably missed. the date is incomplete - it shows Monkey Fuhrer as president from "2001 - ". i thought about his arguement for a moment, because he's right, it should end at 2009, but only after Monkey Fuhrer completes his term in office. what happens should something fatal happen to Monkey Fuhrer? (bird flu, lead poisoning, heart attack, stroke, brain aneurism, etc. and before you secret service goons get your panties in a twist, i am not threatening ANYTHING or ANYONE. i'm just COMMENTING and using my First Amendment rights to run my mouth via my fingers. and yes, it is my right to be paranoid.)
anyways, where was i? oh right, should Monkey Fuhrer not survive the term, then that date may change, so part of me is glad because what little i know of our government, they'll replace the block of stone with a brand new one, smash the old one and bill us taxpayers for the cost of removal, replacement, and destruction.
but this is relatively harmless, right? well, maybe not so much. the blog pointed to something that is very disturbing. and for those of you who may not be aware of what the22nd Amendment is, read this.
now i'm paranoid...
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Saturday, February 04, 2006
the Alien series is one of my favorite movie series of all times, and for all that Alien3 might have been pretty bad, there are some nifty moments, and i do like the Alan Smithee/extended version on the Quadrilogy DVD set.
but this is just plain CREEPY.
(found here)
Friday, February 03, 2006
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
sunday night headliners?
oh hell yeah...
update: look what else was posted today. up the road a bit from me...had i known...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
geek mode on...
rather than hear our fucktard monkey fuhrer sound like the teacher in peanuts cartoons (i'm still waiting for him to say "i will read a book" while holding See Spot Run), i decided to watch the Lynch version of Dune (extended if you please). and it occured to me, that at the end when it starts to rain, that's actually a BAD thing for Arrakis. it's water that brings the eventual destruction of the worms.
worms = spice
no worms = no spice
worms + water = dead worm
as the story progresses, Arrakis mutates from a desert planet to a lush world. worms die. and then Rakis (drops the 'ar', no longer arid?) gets blown up. but that's later on in the story.
Monday, January 30, 2006
holy shit....
they're right. i saw some commercial that said that people eat ~10 billion donuts a year, and that when lined up, it would be enuff to add a ring to saturn. (sorry, don't recall if that was americans or people in general, but i certainly won't put it past us overweight fast food sucking fat fuck americans. at least i'm trying unlike the lardass at work.)
so i wondered, just how long would 10 billion donuts on end be.
using an average of 3" per donut, that made an easy 30 billion inches.
divide that by 12 (inches in 1 foot) and then again by 5280 (feet in a mile).
i got an approximate length of:
10B donuts =~473484.84 miles
according to this government (which makes it immediately suspect) website containing facts on saturn, the equatorial circumference is 235,298 miles.
which means, we really do eat enuff donuts that create an additional ring around saturn.
and on a semi-related note, for you folks who are working on losing weight, but don't seem to feel as tho you are losing much - goto the supermarket and pick up a 1lb package of hamburger. that's how much you are losing. so if you've lost 3 pounds, find a 3lb package (prolly a family size package) of meat (burger, chicken, pork loin, etc) and that's how much you've lost. it really does put weight loss into perspective to look at it that way.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
i officially HATE the holster for my phone.
H A T E
not dislike. not 'i don't care for it'.
i fucking HATE it.
M and i went to target after dinner and at some point while walking around the store, it fell out of my holster, and as i wasn't expecting it to, i didn't notice until after we got home.
so a quick panic, and a quick call to see if it was still working (i was afraid it fell out when we were running back to the car in the pouring rain), so i headed out to backtrace where we went (fortunately, not very far). wasn't at the restaurant we had dinner, so i flew back to target where it was waiting for me at the customer service desk. fortunately, it was fine and it must have popped off while walking around, but it was still very frustrating. at least i didn't lose it when we were in wrentham...that would have really sucked.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
but i paid my taxes LAST year
how fucking depressing. in the last of my PC Magazine subscription, they included a free copy of Tax Cut (Federal only, no State) so i figured i'd see where things stood. last year i got refunds for both state and federal.
this year, the software says i owe money.
OWE them money. thankfully, it's only $40, but still.
i have 2 words for our Monkey Fuhrer led government.
FUCK YOU!
(all apologies to the chimps pictured)
we'll see what happens when i take some time to go thru it a little more carefully.
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