here we are five years later.

and is it really any better? i started regular blogging just over 5 years ago, immediately prior to the events of nine-eleven. much like i did in 2002, i'm refusing to watch the news today, as the media seems to enjoy this beating of a dead (and now rotted) horse that is nine-eleven.

the only real serious reference i will make about the events is what i'm copying below. i wrote this in my hotel room in atlanta on 9/12 (day after), but rather than forget to post it tomorrow, i'll just post it today. it's been a while since i re-read it, and just now was the 3rd or 4th time since i wrote it. so with nothing else to say, here's what i wrote on 9/12/2001.

fucking insane

below you'll find something that i wrote, and i can't really bring myself to read it again.

like most people in the states, and i presume a good chunk of the world, i am in shock over what happened this morning/yesterday morning.

i commented to some of the friends here, that our parents generation will remember where they were when JFK was shot, our generation will rememeber where they were when the world trade centers exploded.

i had walked into the CNN tower in atlanta to goto dunkin donuts to get breakfast. i managed to order breakfast w/o to much problem, but i could not help but shake the image on the montiors of the world trade center in a huge plume of smoke.

the first thing i tried to do was call jj, but failed in that, so i called my mother, who was a native new yorker. the first words out of my mouth where something along the lines of:

hi mom. it's me. turn on the tv NOW. a plane just crashed into the world trade center.

while i was talking to her on my phone, i saw the explosion of the second plane. my initial reaction was that was some unburned fuel or something from the first plane. the showed immediately afterwards the wider angle shot that showed plane #2 crashing thru the other tower. i'm not one for swearing in front of ones parents, esp my mother, but i swore four times while i was on the phone with her.

the shock of what happened cannot be described. i am sure that other people have posted their thougts and feelings, but for me, i was genuinely spooked. i'm not someone who spooks easily. i'll jump if starteled, sure. but spooked, not me.

this spooked me.

around 930 (eastern time) i headed towards the booth. i needed to get away from this tragedy. i called my girlfriend, and made it to the booth.

it wasn't long before the rumors of a 3rd plane hitting the pentagon started flying. and they weren't rumors.

what scared me, is i have a very dear friend who works very close to the pentagon, and i knew that if he wasn't at work, he would be driving by around the time the 3rd plane hit.

by this point, i was terrified. never in my life have i ever, EVER been terrified. and i was. i tried calling his cell, i tried calling his home, and i could not (understandably) get ahold of him. it wasn't until we were walking back to the hotel after the show closed at 2pm, that i got ahold of him. i spoke with him for no more than 5 mins, but it was some of the most relieving 5 mintues in my life.

he had heard and felt the explosion, and raced to the top of the building he works on, called his wife and said the following:

i'm coming home.

i think those three words were some of the sweetest words i have ever heard.

i knew that i did not know anyone in any of the crashes, but i knew that a very close friend was way to fucking close to one of the crashes.

hearing him answer the phone, and take a moment to figure out who was calling meant the world to me. he was safe. his family (most importanly) was safe. and if i need to stay in atlanta, i have a place to stay. he has family here, so if i should need it, i just have to call him.

that feels good, but knowing that he was safe, and his family was safe meant a great deal.

i'm not a praying man, but when he asked me to pray (knowing my beliefs), i said i would, and i have. i honestly have. i prayed for him, his family, my friends and those who have suffered a loss in this mess.

my heart goes out to anyone who is directly affected by this. except the families of the terrorists who committed these incredible acts. to them, i shame. and to those who actually comitted these acts, i condemn your souls, or whatever you believed in to hell. i believe that there is some sort of hell, and i hope beyond hopes, that hell was able to construct something more than fitting in a very short moment of time.

i do not believe in a "God" per se, but i believe that there is something. and i genuinely hope, that whatever may be out there, tortures your damned soul for eternity.

you are a coward.

you are a shit.

you are NOTHING.

you do not deserve ANYTHING.

all you deserve is torment, torture, and whatever hell it is you believe in.

i am really fucking exhausted. time for bed.

the following is what i started write this morning, but never finished. i felt that i need to post this as it contains the feelings i felt at the time. this was written prior to the collapse of the world trade center.

ok. now i'm spooked.

i get to the cnn tower to have bfast, and the first thing i see on the tvs is the world trade center, in smoke with the words 'a plane has crashed into the world trade center'.

i'm not one for getting spooked. sure, if something startles me, i'll jump, but i don't spook very easily.

that just freaked me out. (plane #1)

so, i call jj to tell her to turn on the news, but get her answering machine, so i call my mother (NYC native)

the first words out of my mouth are:

hi mom, it's me. turn on the news now. a plane crashed into the world trade center.

so we are talking about it, she gets CBS turned on (CNN has an ABC feed) and while we are talking, they have a close up on the tower and then you see another massive explosion. i thought it was just more fuel from the plane going off.

i was wrong.

(pardon the following pun, as it isn't)

dead wrong.

they zoom back and show a second plane go flying into the tower.

NOW i'm spooked.

they replay it several times, and i'm still getting chills thinking about it.

but that isn't the end of it. JT was talking to someone who said that one of the planes flew out of boston.

so, how has my day been you ask? pretty fucking scary. a national landmark has a plane crash into it (one that i have been up). a national landmark has a SECOND plane

Current Mood: angry, hurt, spiteful, & more